I don't really know why modern day sermons always have three points. Perhaps its because it easier for Pastors to remember, or for the brothers and sisters they are talking too to remember, or perhaps it's because when you finally get to point #3 everyone knows the sermon is close to finish, and they can get excited because it's almost done? (just kidding, but not really). Anyway I had always wondered why Jesus talks so little to the 12 disciples about lust - these are 12 healthy young men, who must have struggled with lust - pretty much every guy I talk to this is one of their greatest struggles, area of temptation, and place of failure - including myself. So why doesn't Jesus address it more aggressively? [I don't know - yet]. But as I thought about this I realized there were at least three things clearly that Jesus wanted His disciples to be changed/transformed in: (you can add others - I would love to get your understanding). And I write this because perhaps the struggles that we have are not as serious as what Jesus sees in us.
1. Their lack of compassion: Jesus had to continually remind them to; 1) let the little children come to me, don't stop them - care for the children. 2) feed the hungry, but they would always say - we don't have enough, where can we buy bread enough for them to eat, etc.. 3) Send her away - the syrophonecian woman who had a daughter who was demon possessed and kept on following Jesus asking for mercy. 4) Simon Peter cutting off the high priest servant's ear - and Jesus prays it back on. It seemed that the disciples were more concerned about their schedule and their plans and their resources rather than the genuine needs of others. Jesus addresses their lack of compassion. When Lord, did we see you naked and not clothe you, or hungry and not feed you, or in prison and not visit you? When you didn't do unto the least of these, you didn't do it unto ME. Now mind you they are not hating on people (except the last one when Peter hacks off the ear), but they are not truly loving others.
2. Their lack of faith: Jesus has to continually rebuke and repove His disciples for their lack of faith: 1) Oh you of little faith why did you doubt 2) if you have faith the size of a mustard you can tell this mountain to be moved 3) you wicked and perverse generation how long must I stay with you - where is your faith. Now I know they have faith, but they have just not placed all of it into Jesus. They are not holding onto Jesus, rather they are holding onto their skills, their plans, their resources, the reaction of others, the circumstances, and I wonder if that isn't really the source of many of my struggles - because if I simply believed and had faith, then I wouldn't fear and try to get satisfaction from anything else than Jesus.
3) Their lack of humility: 1) I want to sit on the right or left of Jesus 2)Tell that guy to stop preaching your Name Jesus, he isn't one of us! 2) Jesus you will not go to the Cross, even if I have to die with You I will not deny You! Jesus has to remind them again and again, unless you become like a little child you can not - you will not enter the Kingdom of God, the first shall be the last the last shall be the first, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies it can not bear fruit! Remain in me, and I will remain in you. Apart from me you can do nothing.
So perhaps I need to see if these issues have been dealt with in my life, otherwise - I may be focused on things that Jesus doesn't really mind, but not submitting to Him what does bother Him.
Friday, October 18, 2013
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Defining the me - apart from the Title pt. 2
So I begin growing, my hunger for God and the things of God felt so insatiable! I never experienced this before, there were spurts when I was in Junior High School - after retreats - that I was on a spiritual high, but that lasted only 2 or 3 days after the retreat. But this was different, it was living, beating, thinking continuously about Jesus - and I wanted more of Him. So I turned to the Bible, of course and started reading. I found out that if you read 10 chapters a day you can finish the Bible in 6 months, and I heard a Pastor say, "It's good to read straight through the Bible once so that you get an overview a more complete view of what the Bible says," and I took his advice so I read the Bible twice that year - and boy was it messy, underlines, color pencil highlights, writing on the side margins - but it was also my Bible. The first one that I had ever bought with my own money, and it was God's Word to me.
I started listening to Christian music, and though it was not as catchy as the House Music that I used to DJ to, it felt deeper. Steve Camp, Run to the Battle, Stranger to Your Holiness, Keith Green, Create in me a Clean heart, etc... and I would often weep as I worshiped God in the car or listening on my walkman. I also picked up the guitar and started learning chords and just started playing simple G, Em, C, D chord songs - Lord, I lift Your Name on High, Jesus Draw Me Close, Nails in Your Hands, Because He lives - and I would just sit and sing in God's presence for 1-2 hours - He felt more real to me than any person that I could see or touch. It was like I knew what I was made for! To worship Him, and enjoy Him forever.
I also started attending the K.B.S Korean Bible Study on Cornell campus. I didn't know anybody, but some of them knew me as the Violent Party Animal, and they would come up to me and ask what I was doing there. I could imagine there was a sense of distrust like, "this guy is only here to pick up women." Farthest from the truth, for the first time since my 2nd year in College - I actually wanted to stay faithful to my girlfriend who at that time who was living near NYC. I just needed Christian fellowship so badly, it wasn't easy to come by - but Christ had changed me so much that I went from a very quite guy who always needed Alcohol to become more social, to a much more social guy who didn't need any alcohol. And as I kept reaching out to the Christians at KBS, I met and made some really godly friends who tremendously impacted my life as I saw their spiritual maturity and godly character even at such a young age and in the midst of the peer pressure Cornell secular society.
We had prayer meetings, not because anyone forced it, but there was this hunger in our hearts. When we went to a retreat I remember, going to a corner to just pray and have some time with God, and one of the leaders (who was younger than me) came over and just started weeping and said, Doug can we pray together for the students at Cornell and Ithaca - that God would touch their hearts. And it was like fuel on fire! I am so thankful for that time, how God took me out of meaninglessness, drunkeness, debauchery and filled it with Him and a Christ centered community. Perhaps that's why, even to this day - I continue to long for that, where it wasn't Pastor Doug, or leader Doug - it was just a bunch of young Christians who really hungry for God, and nothing would satisfy us - except for Him.
However, I think there was a problem in that - not a big problem, but a foundational problem. We had not "adult" or "well rounded" Christian elder. We only had a Pastor whose church we went to for Sunday service - but no one that came and spoke life and truth into us on Fridays when KBS met. Now, I think that's a good thing, because it really caused us College students to mature - but I think it's a bad thing, cause we only saw the "institutional" Church leadership model. With Pastor up top, and an eldership that sometimes is visible and sometimes not. So as Senior year came about, and other members of KBS that I loved and trusted started saying to me, oh you are a leader, oh you should become a Pastor - my thought was, well I love serving God, and I know that God has called me to be a servant - why not be a Pastor! From the moment I decided to go to Seminary with the purpose of becoming a Pastor - my attitude changed, and the way that people treated me changed. I was no longer, a broken, weak, helpless, sinner in desperate need of God, and to be filled continuously with the Holy Spirit - just like everyone else! Now I was Pastor to be Doug, a spiritual man (at least needed to appear so), whose serious about ministry (still am - but not needing the title of occupational Pastor), whose a clergy apart from laity and specially called by God (not true according to 1 Peter 2:9).
My friend fellowship turned into spiritual mentoring relationships - I saw myself, and sadly others saw me primarily as a leader, and not a brother in Christ!!! To this day I live with this regret, I just want to be a brother in Christ, I just want to be a fellow worker in Christ - who can share my struggles and joys, as well as help carry your struggles and joys with you. I'm slowly learning, please be patient with me - cause I want to be defined by who Christ says I am - apart from the Title.
I started listening to Christian music, and though it was not as catchy as the House Music that I used to DJ to, it felt deeper. Steve Camp, Run to the Battle, Stranger to Your Holiness, Keith Green, Create in me a Clean heart, etc... and I would often weep as I worshiped God in the car or listening on my walkman. I also picked up the guitar and started learning chords and just started playing simple G, Em, C, D chord songs - Lord, I lift Your Name on High, Jesus Draw Me Close, Nails in Your Hands, Because He lives - and I would just sit and sing in God's presence for 1-2 hours - He felt more real to me than any person that I could see or touch. It was like I knew what I was made for! To worship Him, and enjoy Him forever.
I also started attending the K.B.S Korean Bible Study on Cornell campus. I didn't know anybody, but some of them knew me as the Violent Party Animal, and they would come up to me and ask what I was doing there. I could imagine there was a sense of distrust like, "this guy is only here to pick up women." Farthest from the truth, for the first time since my 2nd year in College - I actually wanted to stay faithful to my girlfriend who at that time who was living near NYC. I just needed Christian fellowship so badly, it wasn't easy to come by - but Christ had changed me so much that I went from a very quite guy who always needed Alcohol to become more social, to a much more social guy who didn't need any alcohol. And as I kept reaching out to the Christians at KBS, I met and made some really godly friends who tremendously impacted my life as I saw their spiritual maturity and godly character even at such a young age and in the midst of the peer pressure Cornell secular society.
We had prayer meetings, not because anyone forced it, but there was this hunger in our hearts. When we went to a retreat I remember, going to a corner to just pray and have some time with God, and one of the leaders (who was younger than me) came over and just started weeping and said, Doug can we pray together for the students at Cornell and Ithaca - that God would touch their hearts. And it was like fuel on fire! I am so thankful for that time, how God took me out of meaninglessness, drunkeness, debauchery and filled it with Him and a Christ centered community. Perhaps that's why, even to this day - I continue to long for that, where it wasn't Pastor Doug, or leader Doug - it was just a bunch of young Christians who really hungry for God, and nothing would satisfy us - except for Him.
However, I think there was a problem in that - not a big problem, but a foundational problem. We had not "adult" or "well rounded" Christian elder. We only had a Pastor whose church we went to for Sunday service - but no one that came and spoke life and truth into us on Fridays when KBS met. Now, I think that's a good thing, because it really caused us College students to mature - but I think it's a bad thing, cause we only saw the "institutional" Church leadership model. With Pastor up top, and an eldership that sometimes is visible and sometimes not. So as Senior year came about, and other members of KBS that I loved and trusted started saying to me, oh you are a leader, oh you should become a Pastor - my thought was, well I love serving God, and I know that God has called me to be a servant - why not be a Pastor! From the moment I decided to go to Seminary with the purpose of becoming a Pastor - my attitude changed, and the way that people treated me changed. I was no longer, a broken, weak, helpless, sinner in desperate need of God, and to be filled continuously with the Holy Spirit - just like everyone else! Now I was Pastor to be Doug, a spiritual man (at least needed to appear so), whose serious about ministry (still am - but not needing the title of occupational Pastor), whose a clergy apart from laity and specially called by God (not true according to 1 Peter 2:9).
My friend fellowship turned into spiritual mentoring relationships - I saw myself, and sadly others saw me primarily as a leader, and not a brother in Christ!!! To this day I live with this regret, I just want to be a brother in Christ, I just want to be a fellow worker in Christ - who can share my struggles and joys, as well as help carry your struggles and joys with you. I'm slowly learning, please be patient with me - cause I want to be defined by who Christ says I am - apart from the Title.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)